You have permission to seize your own holiday

I’m writing this on Sunday, the last day of our lovely five-day Thanksgiving break here at WAPS. I'm feeling especially grateful this year for the time off; it has allowed me to engage in the usual hustle and bustle of gathering with family, and to feel restful at home. I love leaning into coziness at this time of year. At my house, the colder temperatures, shorter daylight hours, and anticipation of the upcoming winter holidays all lend themselves perfectly to slowing down and spending more time reading, crafting, and celebrating.

My partner and I, with children ages 10 to 14, are in a season of parenting where our favorite family traditions have been established for a while now. Some of them have held over from our own upbringings: as a family, we sing together, play plenty of board and card games, and set out a nativity scene. Santa still visits. Some of our traditions are new, and borne from reflecting on the interests and needs of our own little family.

When my son was in first grade, one of that year’s Rios interns at Jefferson hailed from Barcelona and taught the children about the Catalan Caga Tio tradition. (I don’t have nearly enough words available in this newsletter to even attempt to describe this, but click this link to read more, or watch the video below.) I was delighted and fascinated to see my sweet and busy child, previously quite uninterested in the slow and careful process of drawing, gather up tape, scissors, glue, markers, and paper, and become a veritable manufacturer of Caga Tio portraits, cards, and ornaments. Perhaps it goes without saying that this will be our sixth year celebrating with Caga Tios (pictured above). I’m so grateful we followed our children’s lead on this and dug right in.

Another way we established new holiday traditions that suited our little family’s needs was to stop giving our children all of their gifts on Christmas morning. We now celebrate the “Twelve Days” of Christmas, and coordinate those days with the school break as much as possible. We made this choice when we saw our toddlers and preschooler become overwhelmed and burnt out with adults in the extended family directing them to hurry up and open the next gift. We opted for a “slow down and relish” approach to gift giving (and receiving) instead. We spend more time enjoying each other and being grateful for what we have, plus we feel that it extends the holiday magic. Fully half of the gifts are books, and several items are shared (every year, there’s a new board game one day and a replenishment of art supplies on another), plus a day for one “big” gift per child.

When I sat down to write today my goal was simple: I wanted to give you all permission, if you needed it (and so many of us do), to seize your own holidays! Look at your own little family, observe your own little children, and protect their time and pace as much as possible. Once you’ve done that, make sure you’re honoring your needs before those of extended family, or the cultural expectations of what you “should be” doing.

A great diversity of global religious and cultural traditions are represented in our Winona community, and parenting groups at ECFE. Many of my favorite conversations with families happen at this time of year: we talk about navigating travel, boundaries with extended family, gift-giving, and what traditions look like in each of our homes; we bear witness for each other, and freely trade helpful tips and stories. No matter our backgrounds, we have more commonalities than differences. We're all parents embarking on a season with special blessings and stressors; we enrich one another's reflection about, and practices within, the holiday season.

Learn from your family and friends, learn from your children, and if you’d like, come learn from the other awesome parents at ECFE. Reclaim your holiday season. Do what matters to you, and trim the fat!